The Marvelous Misadventures of a Sneaky Slytherin
by Libitina-Belladonna
Summary: Being the son of  black widow Tristessa Zabaini is not easy, as Blaise has found out. Burring his step-fathers, keeping his mother out of Azkaban, and now dealing with all the kooks and nut jobs at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
1. Chapter 1

(Blaise's P.O.V)

Well mother had buried another one, that makes what 10 now, no 11 if you count Paul, but Paul was already dying, mother just finished him off. Mother's husbands make excellent fertilizer for the garden. The roses were especially nice this year. Thats where we buried Armand. I wonder if mother will run out of pureblooded men to marry and bury. I wonder if thats why there are so few purebloods left.

I sighed as I packed for Hogwarts, Mother was sitting on my bed crying.

" You can't go darling, It's too soon. You just got so good a burring them!"She then broke out in loud sobs into her expensive silk hankie.

" Mother, maybe I'll learn some useful skills at school, there are sure to be some nice, untraceable, poisons in potions class, or how bout learning how to make a creature stampede over someone, we haven't done that yet."

" Sniffle You think so?'

"Yes Mother and you can find a new husband and murder him on winter break so I can be there!"

" Oh, Blaise what would I ever do without you!"

"Get caught and sent to Azkaban for murder?"


	2. Chapter 2

The train ride to Hogwarts was particularly uneventful no body died, or was maimed, or even mentally scarred. I just sat there eating cockroach clusters and reading one of my favorite stories Murder in the Rue Morgue.

The sorting was interesting, I was put in Slytherin a house that had a reputation for putting out thieves, murders, and ministry officials. Mother would be proud.

The house common room was a damp, dungeon decorated with skulls an skeleton sitting in the corner. He felt right at home.

Slytherin was the least populated of the Hogwarts houses, rooms were only shared by two. My roommate was a platinum blonde boy who could almost be mistaken for a girl. Especially judging on the sheer amount of hair and skin care potions he dumped on the bathroom sink.

"I am Draco Malfoy, son of Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy" he drawled, and looked at me expectantly like I was suppose to bow down and kiss his feet now.

Not a chance in hell, though I might be willing to sacrifice a goat later and leave it in his bed.

" Well I'm Blaise, son of Tristessa Zabaini and one of her husbands."

Malfoy's eyes widened as he looked at me. He shook his blonde head and went back to unpacking. I wonder if he really is as much of a prat as he acts, and if my room mate mysteriously vanishes will I get a new one?


	3. Chapter 3

I blearily trekked the winding passages and moving staircases to the great hall. When

I arrived I slumped down on a seat, and looked up. I groaned. Malfoy was recounting a story about him narrowly dodging a fleet of muggle helicopters, while out flying his broom and all at the tender age of two.

His audience consisted of two girls, the first one was hanging on his every word, she looked like she had been slammed into a wall repeatedly, until her nose was rendered flat. The second was a girl with black hair held back by a green headband and a stare that could freeze a forest fire. She looked about as interested in Malfoy's ramblings as I was, which is to say very little.

Pity I hadn'tt unpacked my collection of deadlypoisons yet, a little arsenicc in Malfoy'spumpkinn juice would do a world of good, at least for the rest of us.

Slytherin's first class of the day was double potions, taken with the rival house of Griffindor. The potions professor was a one Severus Snape who hated the Griffindors with a passion and favored the Slytherins and was coincidentally head of Slytherin house. This make me wonder,what idiot puts two houses that want to kill each other in the same class?

Snape seemed to hate the resident celebrity Harry Potter most of all. Harry Potter had killed a powerful dark wizard when he was only one year old. I was jealous I didn't kill my first step-father until I was seven.

Charms was taught by a professor small enough to stuff in a cauldron. I managed to light him on fire, accidentally off course.

Herbology was taught by Professor Sprout, she was terribly cheery and smiling. It made me nauseous. We were to retrieve the dewy substance off the moving leaves of the Waving Vine. Most held the leaves down and scrapped of the dew. I found this was much easier to do if you hacked off the leaves. Professor Sprout gave me ten points for enthusiasm.

I made the acquaintance of a ghost named the Bloody Baron, who looks like he defiantly lived up to his name. I have a feeling were going to be good friends.


	4. Chapter 4

Blaise, Baise, wake up!

I groggily registered someone shaking me. "I' ll help you bury the body later Mother, just five more minuets."

The screech of "WHAT" dissolved the last of the nice dream I was having, where Malfoy and that giggly groupie of his Pansy Parkinson were being torn apart by rabid thesterals.

I reluctantly opened my eyes to see the panicked face of one Draco Malfoy.

"There's something at the window" he hissed.

I sighed, shoved Malfoy off my bed where he landed with a satisfying thump, and walked to the window. I opened it up an was greeted by the familiar face of my mother's pet vulture, Minax.

I turned around around. "It's only Minax Malfoy, Malfoy?

A blond head poked out from underneath my bed. "Minax?" he squeaked.

"For some reason he was hanging around the garden, so mother made a pet out of him, he's harmless, mostly.

I heard a thump Draco the Brave had fainted, I rolled my eyes and set about reading the letter mother had sent.

Dear Blaise,

I have been considering prospects for a new husband, they look exceedingly promising, I hope you are studying up on your poisons,darling. How is Hogwarts? Do they still have such lovely places for hiding bodies? Have you hid any yet darling? You must right me soon.

Hugs and poison,

Mother


	5. Chapter 5

It is widely known that in the event of many people gathering together, there will be rumors. Hogwarts, and the magical community as a whole are not immune to this.

There were many, many rumors in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. But few that the entire school knew. There were three people that were talked about behind heavy textbooks in the library, and there names were scribbled on notes passed to and fro in classes. These names could be heard many times over murmured in the Great Hall when the young witches and wizards gathered there.

First was the name of Harry Potter the Boy Who Lived, a rather curious event that had been told over and over again for ten years, and each time it was told it was embellished more and more until Harry Potter was practicably worshiped as a walking god.

Blaise thought all that fame was wasted on a boy who neither wanted it or knew what to do with it. Not that he wanted it, he preferred to work in the shadows. There was a reason no one buried bodies the middle of the day.

Blaise Zabaini was the second name that was talked about. Though for a different reason. He was creepy. Plain and simple. That coupled with all the rumors about his mother knocking off rich husband left and right, people mainly left Blaise alone. Which was how he liked it.

Now we come to the third person of interest. Daphne Greengrass. This rumor was what sparked Blaise's interest. She possessed a reputation much like his. She was creepy and just a tad psychotic. (not to mention homicidal.) So it was only natural that Blaise seek her out as either a friend or an enemy. (he was not quite sure which he would prefer.)


	6. Chapter 6

Blaise Zabaini had been at Hogwarts for exactly two weeks. In that time he had managed to make quite a few useful connections (other people might call them friends). All of Hogwarts ghosts, Peeves the poltergeist, Daphne Greengrass a girl who rivaled him in creepiness, and Corma Avter a girl in first year Slytherin who sold all kinds of illegal things, providing you knew where to look for her.

Corma had in fact just this morning got a supply of Warpel Horn. Blaise and Daphne being her best (and richest) customers got first look at it. Corma did all of her business out of an old unused room in the dungeons. It was as she said sneaky, which was the only way to do business. Blaise wholeheartedly agreed.

Looking down at the powdered Warpel Horn Daphne asked in her deadpan tone "What does it do" She had the most unique way of making the words sound like both a statement and a question.

"One pinch of dis into any liquid and it sets the drinkers tongue on fire." Corma replied.

" I have never heard of a Warpel I think you are trying to scam us." Blaise said.

Corma Avter valued her life, she also valued money, which was why she was willing to do business with the creepy pair in the first place. But Corma had sense enough not to try and cheat theses two.

"Look"said Corma " Ya try it out on some poor bastard, and if ya like it ya buy it. Kay? I am not tryin to cheat no one."

"Heh , at least I ain't tryin to cheat you guys." Corma rectified.

Blaise and Daphne shared a look. Both already had a target in mind.


	7. Chapter 7

There are two kinds of creatures in the world, predators and prey.

Blaise and Daphne were predators. And they had set sights on their prey.

Pansy Parkinson was enjoying supper in the Great Hall, while making googly eyes at one Draco Malfoy. Pansy was not overly intelligent, nor was she particularly observant. This is why Hogwarts' two creepiest students staring at her and grinning maniacally went unnoticed.

She noticed nothing amiss until she took a sip of pumpkin juice. And her tongue grew hot. And hotter. And as she put her hand to her mouth she came to the frightening realization that her tongue was in fact on fire.

She stood up in a panic, causing her goblet to tip over right into Draco Malfoy's lap. And when Draco saw smoke coming up from his lap, he screamed. A very high pitched scream that would have made a little girl half his age proud.

Blaise and Daphne enjoyed the dinner show.

Corma Avter felt the relief that only comes from being spared a particularly gruesome death.


End file.
